I say this a lot. "There are no datable men in Indianapolis." To a certain extent, it really is true. I'm kind of striking out in the "normal guy that i want to grow old with" department. I'm meeting some interesting people, but they have faults that are difficult to get around.
Admittedly, most of these character flaws are items that I personally find difficult to deal with. Like the line from Rent sez, "Everybody has baggage. I'm just looking for baggage that goes with mine." That's true. I've got this small set of Samsonite that I carry around, and wouldn't you know it, all I find out there are either these damn Louis Vuittons, or some skanky Goodwill pressboard bags in blue.
*sigh*
Re-enter FXB. Remember him? I was all hot and heavy over him last month, and in the interim, he's faded into quiescence. He's as good an example of my schema in dating recently, and in reality he's pretty typical. The fatal flaw with this young man is the fact that he's a classic case of unrequited love. For the longest moment, I built up a relationship with him in my mind, but it wasn't reciprocated.
I'll speak very candidly about FXB, because I don't believe he reads this. Another reason is his relative anonymity. Nobody that I know seems to have an idea of who he is, and he's been insulated from just everybody I know. That's unique, because Indianapolis has this whole 3 degree of separation thing going on. Eventually everybody knows everybody.
So the reason I thought FXB was doable from a relationship standpoint is he ranked highly in the triad. At one point, I thought he was a 3/3, but it turns out he was a 1/3, which is why I don't dote over him in the way I did. I call it the triad, and it works like this: In every gay relationship there are three factors. In a perfect universe, they are all equally weighted, but in reality, they are far from balancing themselves. First is the social aspect. Is there the ability to share common interests with others? Is this a guy that is hesitantly invited to social functions because "he's your boyfriend"? Then there's that whole friendship/trust thing. Why have a boyfriend who is a schmuck?
That leads into the intellectual aspect. If you've been hanging around, you know that I value it highly. I prefer men that are on my same level of intellectual curiosity or above. It's not even a matter of that curiosity being in the same subject, it's the fact that it exists. My man has to be well-read, but at the same time not arrogant. A man who teaches, or would feel comfortable expressing ideas and opinions to different audiences would be nice.
Since we're discussing a triad, there should be a third point. I call it sex. Being a fag, I have sex with men. I'm rather fond of it, but in the same measure, the fact that I boink boys plays a fairly small part in my life as a whole. Nevertheless, it does play a point, and one that i can't ignore. I'll admit it. I like sex. I've been called a slut from time to time in my career, and that's fine with me. In the same vein, I don't fuck anything that moves, much to the chagrin of more than a couple boys in this town. For instance, I was told the other night "Man you are so hot. I wanted you to fuck me right there in the bar." How do you respond to something like that? On one hand, it is very flattering, but on the other hand, it's less than thrilling to realize that people just want you for a physical attribute. In the relationship thing, sex becomes more important, because it's assumed that the individuals engaged in a relationship are only having sex with each other.
Now, back to FXB, I thought we did really well in the social aspect, fair in the intellectual, and truthfully, the sex wasn't shabby. Nothing that left me breathless (on any of the three) which is why I always took the idea of having a relationship with him with a big ol grain of kosher salt. With FXB, however, I do have to say one thing. He didn't associate sex with love, which is a very good thing. A lot of people do make that association, but I don't. Understand this--sex is a dandy way of expressing love for another, because it's a very intimate and sensual expression. But in Bob's Big Book of Answers, sending flowers is a far more effective way of showing me how much you appreciate me. It doesn't even have to be flowers, it can be a phone call to say hi, or grabbing a bar of good dark chocolate and port for dessert.
ummm...notice the first thing I mentioned. I WANT FLOWERS DAMMIT!
One last comment to my flamer of the previous post. If you don't have the common courtesy to offer a constructive criticism, don't. Also, if my words are so offensive, don't keep looking for more of them. As Nancy Reagan sez, "Dior!" (and just say no)
After all, you never know who might be logging IP addresses.....
3 comments:
for the record -- which city doesn't have the 3 degrees of gay separation?
thank you.
Okay, Let me take a big breath of air here......Okay here we go!
You know me, right? Well, at least a general idea of my character/personality. I know from my own writtings that alot that I say in text or how I say things in text is not really how I present myself vocally in person, basically my way of talking. Understanding this, I think that pretty much we all are this way. For the most part I am a really simple person when it comes to the spoken language. I think that people enjoy reading with that aspect of, visionary words that puts our brain on this emotional, imaginative, colorful rollcoaster of drama, action or comedy. But, frankly when someone actually speaks aloud in normal conversation like that..kinda would be dull and put you to sleep. Granted I myself have never met you in person. So, I totally expect you to take this lightly because I don't have a well rounded view of you as a person since I haven't met you.
You seem like a very complex person who thinks to much. I know that sounds bad. I mean this with the upmost constructive criticism. Which perhaps is hampering things when it comes to your search of those of a lesser intellect. Which sounds bad, cause it sounds like I am saying you should be with a stupid person. That's not what I mean though. Unfortunately, we all can't be on the same wave link. Okay I think I totally lost where I was going with this.
I guess..what I am getting at here is. Chill out, relax, don't be so complicated. It doesn't take much to figure someone out in person, why over analyze things. Realzing that yes, we all have our faults or flaws or whatever. Are we willing to overlook them for the price that it will give us in the long run. I think we would all like someone that would overlook our flaws to actually see the person we really are. Okay now to say on my behalf in my opninion on others in this city.
I notice alot lately, most of the gay men in this town or city rather. Well, lets call them fags cause that's what they really are. FAGS! They live and breath to be GAY! They suck up all the stereotypical bullshit that goes along with it. It's not pretty. I walk thru the clubs and see it all the time. I'm like UGH! I look around and see everyone is roughly the same here. There is nothing that seperates these people from the rest, nothing makes them an indiviual all their own.
Where is the one guy that's just a guy. One that doesn't feel he has to dress, smell, walk, talk, piss, shit and do his hair to suit others of this lifestyle. The Simple guy! No fuss no muss. Who has simple thoughts, simple desires, needs and goals.
As gay men I think we keep gathering all this junk that makes ourselves to complicated and we end up shutting out others who have not collected this same crap of complicated idiosyncrasies that make up what we think it means to fit in and be apart of this lame ass gay community that Indianapolis has got. I am not saying you have these. I guess I'm saying yes, that's why we aren't finding these good guys. Well some of us aren't finding.
Okay I have no clue if I have made any sense at all. I think I totally got of topic but I think it pertains to it at some degree. If I offended you or you felt I did you wrong I totally apologize. That was not my intention here. Just voicing my comment of opinion. =)
But, yes I agree no datable men in Indy so it seems. Perhaps there is, just alot of them aren't looking to date. That's the problem as well. Alot of them also don't look at themselves that much with a hard look. To the rest of us they look very unappealing as dating material cause they got so caught up in things they let themselves go as actual dating material. Oh well that's my 2 cents worth. Oh and thanks for the comment to my flowers post on my blog. I hope you get your FLOWERS DAMNIT! Hell I'll send you flowers myself if I have to. Can we wait until Valentines day!? =P LOL
Waiting for Valentines day? Totally unnecessary. The greatest expression of affection is the "Happy Tuesday, sweetie" bouquet. No reason, no specific guideline (such as a traditional flower-Hallmark holiday) but just that "I really love you, and I was just thinking about you--so there!"
Romantic? Sure, who doesn't like romantic attention? It makes us feel special, and just makes that wonderful fuzzy feeling that special friends and lovers give us.
Do I think too much? I probably do. I've been accused of overanalyzing situations, and frankly I don't think it's such a bad thing. I wonder if it doesn't compensate for all the schmoes that don't think. It's all about balance in the world, and in a small way, it's my contribution.
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