homoSEXual

Here's the latest thing I've been thinking about. One of the greatest things that defines the life of a gay man is what happens behind closed doors. It's an odd thing, because straight guys aren't usually defined by the fact that they boink women. That's why I don't understand the 'separate but equal' concept that exists.

More than anything else, I think it's the sex thing that upsets those who are opposed to the gay marriage question. My take on it? I could care less. I'm a fan of domestic partnership, but the only advantages to marriage are financial/tax benefits and of course the legal benefits enjoyed by the next of kin. A properly drafted DP bill would assure that, and the onus of marriage would be removed.

Of course, there are purists who feel that marriage is the only way. Obviously, I'm not one of them. All marriages are domestic partnerships. By the same token, all domestic partnerships are not marriages. The difference? Religious sanction. We all know what the religious right (also called the Republican Party) thinks about that. (apologies. I couldn't resist the poke.)

Prezznunt Chimpy isn't going to sleep until the constitution is amended to specifically deny a right to a group. That bothers me. I don't feel that anyone regardless of their protected status should be denied a right. I know, I know...radical fag spouting the liberal adjenda.

Anyway, a random thought. Meanwhile in Bobland....

The quest for dateable men in this area code continues, and it continues to this day! I'm having a nice time with the Snowhater (the guy I wanted to make out with on the sofa earlier.)

(...and yeah, we made out on the sofa) Snow has various issues, though. I know that everyone has issues, but the trick is to define issues that are compatible. It's the whole "Baggage that goes with mine" thing. He's an interesting bloke, though and certainly one to know better, if for no reason than to make a friend. He's a lot like Peron in some ways, namely my comfort level when we're around each other, and the ability to pick up on conversation. That's becoming a more important feature as life goes on.

Also heavily featured in my personal life is a self-destructive individual which is quite trying. On one hand, I want to be a supportive friend, but I also really REALLY can't condone self-destruction. I've always had that strange tic. I know my own lifestyle has it's various self-loathing aspects attached to it, but none of them are life-threatening or even have the potential to be arrested.

Not so close in (and in fact, I don't even know the guy because I didn't crash Boatboy's birthday party--Damn you Fuckquita!!) Todd has hopefully had an amazing meeting with his chum from California. With my own issues about not being able to date within one's area code, I can empathize with him. He posed a question, "Is it possible to fall in love over the internet?" My answer is "sure!" I'm meeting every interesting person via the internet, so it's a viable method for falling in love as well. It also has a filtering effect which makes the bizarre seem normal and balanced. That's from the anonymity of the thing. Of course, I wish him well. We've chatted back and forth (Todd and I) so I believe that he is walking in eyes wide open. I just really hope it works for him.

Everybody needs happiness in Bobland. Haouli makahiki hou!

Urgence de neige!

I can't emphasize this enough:

INDIANAPOLIS HAS THE WORST SNOW EMERGENCY PLAN IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE.

It's just insane! People here have difficulty coping with precipitation to begin with, but when a couple of inches of snow fall, people become positively paralyzed. Circle City has a very comprehensive snow-removal plan that apparently is a classified document. It is highly touted on the county/city websites, and discusses how primary arteries will be cleared with the utmost urgence, with lesser routes being tidied when time permits. Well, 48 hours post-event, one of this cities most notorious routes, 38th Street is still covered with a packed snow floor for a great length. Road salt here is coated, so it turns the snow an ugly brown where applied--no sign of that. I'm lightly pissed because I had to sit through 20 minutes of SUVs driving inappropriately over two lanes of traffic.

Oh well...

I enjoyed the day, despite it's horrid traffic. It's very pretty out, so I took newspapers out and read along the river. I secretly wanted to purchase a sled and be a fool on the levee, but cooler minds prevailed. Partly because I'm a tad fried still from last night's events. I went out with my dear friend Peron and shook my bootie a tad violently. It was a good time, though. At one point, we sat up on the balcony, and looked down and tried to decide who would suffer from the pain of waking up next to a truly unlovely boy the next morning. We even went so far as to befriend a very cute lesbian, and her not-so cute gayboi chum. Of course, the night isn't complete without drunk dancing queen pouring half of his $.50 draft beer down my sleeve.

In all, a good time was had by all, and we managed to escape before the fluorescent lights came again. That's never a happy moment, even when you are out with someone, so I really try to avoid it whenever possible.

Tonight, or actually last night/this morning, I met yet another internet chum, for dinner , polite conversation and telly. The sad thing about Indianapolis (but it's not terribly surprising) is that all the 24-hour establishments shutter for Christmas Eve. We drove aimlessly through the tundra looking for coffee, but found none. Eventually, we settled on Speedway coffee and came back to watch several episodes of a favourite Brit sitcom, "The Young Ones."

No snogging on the sofa, dammit. *sigh* Would have liked to, in a way just for the physical contact aspect (not the sexual one.) I try to remain conscious of the perceptions that people make when you suggest such things. For a lot of guys, making out is simply a prelude to sex, rather than a close contact activity. For me, making out can just be making out. It's fun--I like to do it, but it doesn't always mean that boinking will occur. Besides, it can be a public activity, where sex really isn't.

Enough of that...for them that subscribe to the Judeo-Christian-capitalist belief system, Happy Christmas!

She's So Unusual

Odd times, these.

Right now, I'm listening to Cyndi Lauper tell me "And once we start, the meter clicks, and it goes running all through the night. Until it ends there is no end. Keep forward with me all through the night.

It seems an apt metaphor right now. I'll not discuss why, but maybe it's good to be melancholy every now and again. Also, I'm really random today for various reasons, so if I ramble more than usual, my apologies.

I think my ill thoughts started yesterday (Saturday) when I went on an exercise in futility to do a bit of shopping. I realized I had committed such a HUGE error in judgment when I couldn't get into a parking lot that was normally empty. I should have cut my losses, circled the lot and left, but I didn't. I did find parking, and I did actually manage to get into Cost Plus. My goal was to buy a "tasteful gift in glass" for two parties I was attending that evening (More on that morose subject later.)

I wandered around and looked at the various wine bottles, and I realized that I was really in over my head. When did "Fine wines from Australia" overrun the market? They do have pretty labels and competitive prices, but are they really good for anything but cooking? I didn't know this bloke well enough to gift him with Veuve Cliquot, besides, I figured it would be unappreciated. The first of that evening's engagements would (and did) appreciate an old favourite, Moet White Star, so I hobbled out with at least one gift.

Baffled and frustrated, I jogged into Osco, found a nice bottle of Skyy (which is still sitting on my table) that I would fit my host more appropriately, and came home to make preparations.

First party was believed to be a dinner engagement because it started early. Well there were some nibbly things, and some very nice people, none of which I knew, so it balanced. In all, I enjoyed myself, and pressed on, as many of the attendees were going to a concert. I should have gone with them in retrospect.

Enter the hinterland. I apparently didn't write down the directions properly, because I was hideously lost. I called everyone I know in Fishers in an effort to get turned right, but since most of Hamilton County is a mess of new housing, each with a name more pretentious than the next, my "Bradford Knoll" fell upon unknowing ears.

I finally found a road that appeared on maps, and made tracks to the big city, just in time for the Bingo Parlour to let out.....ugh! I don't know when I've seen so many slow-moving people in my life. In all, it turned into a really lousy evening. I made dinner out of a beer and some polite conversation with the lads online, which explains why I'm so voracious now.

So, here I am today. As promised, the "mild spell" did end with just a bit of snow on the ground this morning. Not a great deal, but just enough to make things look pretty, which is brightening my spirits somewhat. That said, I'll go find a nice cup of coffee somewhere, read the morning papers, and press on.

If this world makes you crazy and you’ve taken all you can bear you call me up because you know I’ll be there.

Goober weather

BARTHOLOMEW-BOONE-BROWN-CARROLL-CLAY-CLINTON-DAVIESS-DECATUR-DELAWARE-FOUNTAIN-GREENE-HAMILTON-HANCOCK-HENDRICKS-HENRY-HOWARD-JACKSON-JENNINGS-JOHNSON-KNOX-LAWRENCE-MADISON-MARION-MARTIN-MONROE-MONTGOMERY-MORGAN-OWEN-PARKE-PUTNAM-RANDOLPH-RUSH-SHELBY-SULLIVAN-TIPPECANOE-TIPTON-VERMILLION-VIGO-WARREN-

340 PM EST THU DEC 16 2004 ...

CENTRAL INDIANA WILL GET COLD...WIND...AND SNOW...THIS WEEKEND...

A STRONG COLD FRONT WILL MOVE ACROSS CENTRAL INDIANA SATURDAY NIGHT ANDSUNDAY. THE FRONT WILL BRING THE LOWEST TEMPERATURES SO FAR THIS SEASON.STRONG WINDS WITH THE FRONT WILL GREATLY ACCENTUATE FALLING TEMPERATURES.THE FRONT WILL BE LIKELY BE ACCOMPANIED BY SNOW. ACCUMULATIONS ARE CURRENTLY FORECAST TO BE AROUND AN INCH. THE FORECAST MAY CHANGE AS MORE INFORMATION BECOMES AVAILABLE.

STRONG WINDS WILL MAKE SNOW BLOW AROUND AND REDUCEVISIBILITIES. RELATIVELY MILD WEATHER IS FORECAST FOR CENTRAL INDIANA INTO SATURDAY.

HOOSIERS MAY WANT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE MILD SPELL BEFORE CONDITIONS TURN MORE WINTRY SUNDAY.

Hoosiers may want to take advantage of the mild spell? The NWS actually said this.

...In which the wife sends candy

Topic of the rant today is friendship, and it's effect on our lives. I've wondered from time to time if having a monogamous relationship is an appropriate thing for me. I've mentioned it before, and I think it bears repeating. I'm fully capable of maintaining a relationship with another—in fact I think my track record is not too shabby in that respect. RR and I were together for 13 years, after all. Traditional heterosexual relationships with their legal ties and mortgages etc. are lucky to exist that long.

In between that and the real shortage of men that meet my admittedly high standards of dateablility, I'm starting to shift my paradigm of what makes me happy in terms of long-term relationships. Don't get me wrong, I think there really is a boy out there that would rock my world, but identifying him has been problematic.

Last night, I was in a chilly mood. My thermostat giving me attitude, and the aforementioned lack of cute boys to curl up on the sofa with forced me to wrap myself in a bulky sweater, and park my ass in front of the computer with a box of maple candy (more on that subject later.) I started my usual chit-chat with various people, and eventually narrowed my conversations down to two—Pianist and another friend, (who isn't blessed with a nickname yet.)

Pianist and I have been engaged in a game of 20 questions over the span of the last couple of weeks, given the fact that we've only whittled away 6 questions thus far, we're not taking it much in earnest. Fact is, other subjects keep distracting us. One of those things was this whole 'not religious yet spiritual/agnostic' commentary. It's a difficult thing to pen, but it's one of those things that just exist. Some people feel a need to place a face on their deity (Jesus, Allah, Buddha, et. al) but I shrug it off as something that exists. I know I'll never understand it or how it works, so I just move on with my life, comfortable in that knowledge.

One of the conversations that Pianist and I had was about how shit just falls into the lap. To a great extent, I believe it to be true. For him, it was a building that "winked" at him, and a feeling that money would come from it. Sure enough, a job came up, and cash flow ensued. Opportunities have traditionally sought me out, and when the "gut instinct" makes me feel comfortable in making the leap of faith, I do. Rarely has it steered me wrong. In fact, I've met some remarkable people and I've done some incredible things based on instinct, and encountered 'nouns' that I might have normally passed by, which is always fun.

In fact it was instinct that prompted me to first say hello to Pianist, so if the karma thing plays out, there is something that will come from our association. Who knows what it might be—friendship, romance, maybe he'll break my heart, or maybe he'll eat my spleen sautéed with fava beans and a nice Chianti. *shrug*

This "Karmic instinct thing" also is protective in a way, and it's kept me from doing some destructive things in my past, and for that I'm eternally grateful. Otherwise, I'd probably be pushing up daisies with my collection of friends from the early 80s.
One thing that the protection thing isn't doing is keeping me from snarfing down this damned box of maple candy.

Once upon a time, I mentioned to my wife that I did indeed love me some maple candy. Since said wife is in Canada (thus the reason I call him wife, and he calls me husband) I figured that he might just make his way down to Eton, The Bay (or whatever) and grab some of those delish maple leaves from the True North. Yesterday, the package arrived with not one but FOUR boxes of maple candy from Vermont, with a card indicating the significance of each box. (I'm not complaining, though by the time this is through, my ass may begin to resemble Vermont and New Hampshire.)

I started thinking about my wife, and the relationship we have. He's a pretty special fellow, but he's most likely never going to be a romantic interest in my life. There are various reasons for this, the most obvious being the fact that he already has a boyfriend. By that same token, he's also one of those people that I just can't imagine being without. That's odd, because I don't really know him very well. Still though, I think time will draw us closer, and I can easily see us as old men on a beach wearing Speedos, sipping martinis, and bitching about men.

The more I thought about wife and this totally unsolicited gift, the more it became clear:

I got my 'damned flowers' (see the previous entry) but they just came in the form of candy.

The point is it's not flowers I want, or frankly even a gift. It's a friend that thinks enough of me to do something sweet and something totally off the cuff. Perhaps it's not a boyfriend/husband that I want, but instead just a tight circle of friends, with an occasional one with "boinkability" to satisfy the more prurient needs.

As gay men, we don't develop traditional familial ties, because our associations aren't blessed by the usual protections of law and convention. Many times, we lose track of our traditional family ties because of that same gay thing. As such, we develop a 'family' of friends that better suit our unique circumstance. I really felt it in Hawaii with the various people we associated with, and to some extent I'm developing similar ties here. There are those who I associate as "brothers and sisters" and of course "wacked-out cousins" galore ?

So in the futurescape of the Pianist, wife, FXB, and whoever else might be tossed into the equation…who knows? I'll just coast along and see what is dropped in my lap. Karma takes good care of old Bob, and I hope I'm taking good care of my karmic bank account so my next life will be as a lap dog to a wealthy daughter of the Revolution.

The relationship question

I say this a lot. "There are no datable men in Indianapolis." To a certain extent, it really is true. I'm kind of striking out in the "normal guy that i want to grow old with" department. I'm meeting some interesting people, but they have faults that are difficult to get around.

Admittedly, most of these character flaws are items that I personally find difficult to deal with. Like the line from Rent sez, "Everybody has baggage. I'm just looking for baggage that goes with mine." That's true. I've got this small set of Samsonite that I carry around, and wouldn't you know it, all I find out there are either these damn Louis Vuittons, or some skanky Goodwill pressboard bags in blue.

*sigh*

Re-enter FXB. Remember him? I was all hot and heavy over him last month, and in the interim, he's faded into quiescence. He's as good an example of my schema in dating recently, and in reality he's pretty typical. The fatal flaw with this young man is the fact that he's a classic case of unrequited love. For the longest moment, I built up a relationship with him in my mind, but it wasn't reciprocated.

I'll speak very candidly about FXB, because I don't believe he reads this. Another reason is his relative anonymity. Nobody that I know seems to have an idea of who he is, and he's been insulated from just everybody I know. That's unique, because Indianapolis has this whole 3 degree of separation thing going on. Eventually everybody knows everybody.

So the reason I thought FXB was doable from a relationship standpoint is he ranked highly in the triad. At one point, I thought he was a 3/3, but it turns out he was a 1/3, which is why I don't dote over him in the way I did. I call it the triad, and it works like this: In every gay relationship there are three factors. In a perfect universe, they are all equally weighted, but in reality, they are far from balancing themselves. First is the social aspect. Is there the ability to share common interests with others? Is this a guy that is hesitantly invited to social functions because "he's your boyfriend"? Then there's that whole friendship/trust thing. Why have a boyfriend who is a schmuck?

That leads into the intellectual aspect. If you've been hanging around, you know that I value it highly. I prefer men that are on my same level of intellectual curiosity or above. It's not even a matter of that curiosity being in the same subject, it's the fact that it exists. My man has to be well-read, but at the same time not arrogant. A man who teaches, or would feel comfortable expressing ideas and opinions to different audiences would be nice.

Since we're discussing a triad, there should be a third point. I call it sex. Being a fag, I have sex with men. I'm rather fond of it, but in the same measure, the fact that I boink boys plays a fairly small part in my life as a whole. Nevertheless, it does play a point, and one that i can't ignore. I'll admit it. I like sex. I've been called a slut from time to time in my career, and that's fine with me. In the same vein, I don't fuck anything that moves, much to the chagrin of more than a couple boys in this town. For instance, I was told the other night "Man you are so hot. I wanted you to fuck me right there in the bar." How do you respond to something like that? On one hand, it is very flattering, but on the other hand, it's less than thrilling to realize that people just want you for a physical attribute. In the relationship thing, sex becomes more important, because it's assumed that the individuals engaged in a relationship are only having sex with each other.

Now, back to FXB, I thought we did really well in the social aspect, fair in the intellectual, and truthfully, the sex wasn't shabby. Nothing that left me breathless (on any of the three) which is why I always took the idea of having a relationship with him with a big ol grain of kosher salt. With FXB, however, I do have to say one thing. He didn't associate sex with love, which is a very good thing. A lot of people do make that association, but I don't. Understand this--sex is a dandy way of expressing love for another, because it's a very intimate and sensual expression. But in Bob's Big Book of Answers, sending flowers is a far more effective way of showing me how much you appreciate me. It doesn't even have to be flowers, it can be a phone call to say hi, or grabbing a bar of good dark chocolate and port for dessert.

ummm...notice the first thing I mentioned. I WANT FLOWERS DAMMIT!

One last comment to my flamer of the previous post. If you don't have the common courtesy to offer a constructive criticism, don't. Also, if my words are so offensive, don't keep looking for more of them. As Nancy Reagan sez, "Dior!" (and just say no)

After all, you never know who might be logging IP addresses.....

Thanksgiving Chicken

This will basically comprise 2 posts in one. Don't you feel lucky?

I do. Truly blessed, for I see the light at the end of the tunnel and for once it's not a 99 car freight train coming at me. This afternoon I had the first solid meal I've had in a six days. So, what did I have? Steak and Shake with an egg nog milkshake. I figured all the fat would help it slide down my throat, as well as provide my bod with some much-needed calories. None of my clothes fit anymore, and for the first time in many years, I feel skinny.

So, this flu-thing has kicked my ass. I started illin' on Monday night, and woke up with the first of a chain of fever spikes and drenching sweats. Needless to say, I've sucked down a lot of ibuprofen/acetaminophen and whatever else I have been able to swallow.

I'm feeling much better now, though. And before I continue more, for thems of you who knew my home phone number--it has changed. I'm now a happy VoIP customer. The evil empire that formerly served my telecom needs is a glimmer in my rear-view mirror now, the final argument with them being "Can I have my telephone number?" They wanted to charge me, and came up with various stories for why they needed to do so. I asked why I was charged a "number portability" fee each month. I was referred to another number to call to inquire about that. To cut the story short, I told them to bite my left ass cheek, and they could keep their precious number. So, if you want some digits, show me some love.

backing up now to Thanksgiving. I was sitting on my robust butt, and not particularly wanting to do anything. I had a little community service/volunteer project with a friend in the afternoon, and I just wanted to cruise until then. I phoned the kind friend who had offered her family in a sympathy gesture (I thought it was quite kind though I did feel like a "token.") While on the phone, she asked about different troubles she was having in the kitchen, told me that though she had set out alcohol, nobody was drinking, and that besides, she had someone she wanted me to meet.

Swell.

I prettied myself in my little doctor-y scrubs and set off to Carmel to get the party started. I smiled, laughed, and made everyone French 75's, which greased the affair quite a bit. The person I was supposed to meet was a child attending school who had just come out to his parents. Like all good academians, he was a tad nebbish, a bit spotty (19, after all) and never left my side. I guess I was supposed to be the mentor or something. Whatever. I had blood pressures to check and flu vaccine to administer later. We ate a passable meal, and I came back downtown to discharge my volunteerism. Yay me!

I've decided that should I find myself in Naptown next year, I'll sponsor my own "rogue fags alone in the city" dinner, in the way we did in Hawaii. I enjoy the camaraderie, and the ability to share with friends and drink to excess. Then again, that's a full year away. Who knows what a year may bring?

Now, moving from reasons to stay in Indiana to reasons to get the hell outta Dodge......

The list keeps growing daily, the longer I stay here. They just didn't know when to stop when they started jotting down laws in this silly place. The blue law that irritates me the most is the "Dry on Sundays/Holidays" law. That one slays me for so many reasons, mostly because I tend to forget to buy beer on Saturday, and I want one on Sunday. Yeah, yeah I know that we're all supposed to be good law abiding Christians, just like the forefathers instructed us to. I can't complain too loudly, because the fine individuals that penned that law also included a clause that allows alcohol to be served to patrons "either sitting or standing" I think that's very liberal!

My legal forays began with a conversation that we had about age of sexual consent. There's a fascinating site that digs deep into that oft-asked question, complete with excerpts from the individual countries/states asserting those numbers. We shuffled about that age being 16 in Indiana or 18. I was right, of course because the bill that was introduced to bring the legal age up to 18 didn't actually make it to being a law. I found that odd, given the conservative demeanor of this state. One would think they would do anything to protect the young firm parts of their own daughters. Guess 48 months doesn't make a difference after all.

Of course the most HEINOUS of the code violations is the infamous Indiana Boner Law. Section 1D states:

As used in this section, "nudity" means the showing of the human male or female genitals, pubic area, or buttocks with less than a fully opaque covering, the showing of the female breast with less than a fully opaque covering of any part of the nipple, or the showing of covered male genitals in a discernibly turgid state.

Oh, yeah....love me some discernibly turgid genetalia! What it means, of course is you have committed an act of gross sexual indecency equal to whipping your schlong out and slapping it on the hood of a police cruiser if your pee-pee is visibly even the slightest bit happy in it's cozy basket of underoos and Levis.

Heh. Think about that when you go to bed tonight.