Okay, the new definition of "perfect boyfriend" includes the ability to use the word 'avarice' in a proper sentence.
Now, before everyone gets all wiggy and starts reaching for a dictionary, you should know that I don't actually seek perfection. I might aspire for perfection, but as a whole, it's unexpected. This is why I want men that I ought not have. That's why I sincerely doubt I'll have a proper, functional relationship. It's the whole "perfection is to desired as reality is to substance" thing
Avarice.
Okay, a bit of conversation about mysterious man in the post immediately preceding this one. (btw, nick=FXB) To answer queries, I don't know if he is dateable mostly because I believe that he truly isn't interested in me. I could be pleasantly surprised, but the reality is there, and unrequited love is boring as all hell.
I ought to know--been there, and got that t-shirt Wonder why? Read Realm I. It's the highly touted Hawaiian journal that ultimately led me to where I am now in Hoosierland. Now it can be told that RR loved me passionately, but I didn't return the affection for the last several years. Why? I'm not sure. I mean what ever makes relationships go sour? I'm developing a theory that relationships have an expiration date. For RR and I, I'm guessing that we had a 10 year expiry.
That would make us like dehydrated food--not too shabby, if you ask me. Some relationships have the life expectancy of mayonnaise left out on a hot summer day. In fact, my relationships of late have been pretty perishable. I don't know if that's part of the whole transitional phase, or what it is. Robb would call it "Community Property" which is a term I happen to admire. Then again, there are a great many things I admire about him, or should say admired. (we haven't talked in some time)
There's a whole dichotomy that I'm experiencing at present. One hand admires the warmth of sharing life with another. A cautious soul is looking for the right person to do so with. I think I could actually have a truly monogamous relationship with a fellow with a 30 or so year expiry. That would take me far beyond death.
On the other hand, I enjoy the "single/mingle" lifestyle as well. Naptown just isn't the city to do it in, though. I think it's because I bore easily, and often retreat into the place best called "Private Idaho." It's a happy place, and I enjoy it there. In my Idaho, it's all about me, which is how it should be. I can be as dark and mysterious as I please. I can also fantasize that the avarice that has gripped the country for the last four years might actually end.
Monday, October 25, 2004
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Quandary
Hrm. I'm not quite sure to make of something. Actually, that's not entirely true, in that I do know what to make of it.
Lust.
That's the emotion, pure and simple. This boy has caught my attention, and I wanna do all sorts of nasty things to him, but dating may not be one of them. I'm wondering why that is. He's an intriguing enough fellow, he has friends, is social, and is only mildly dysfunctional (for the record, I've given up on trying to find normal men) and he's cute. We seem to get on when seen in social situations, and I go stupid-teenage girl when I'm around him, afraid of being...Well...a stupid teenage girl.
With that said, I'm not sure where to proceed. Cocktails/dancing/casual sex? Dunnow. it's a conrundrum, and one that's making me slightly crazy at the moment. Perhaps it's because my attitude currently is "he who doesn't mingle dies single," so I want to see what's out there before thinking about doing that boyfriend/committed relationship thing. Maybe it's a fear that he won't match me on an intellectual level (and that's a great and very important thing, I've learned.)
The latter isn't established, though. I'm reserving judgment on that point until a closer examination can be made. The way I seem to be going is to see if there is a desire to read a newspaper the next morning over breakfast. Why I consider that to be important, I can't identify, but it seems to be up there in the priorities. *shrug*
I'm thinking it has to do with the time that I'm functional. When the sun peeks through the shades, I'm awake, and I rarely see hours in the evening with double digits. That's not to say that I'm not seen out at night carousing with the boys and girls--I often am. Last relationship found me at odds with that one (I was a day soul; he a night creature)
Perhaps I just think too much.
Lust.
That's the emotion, pure and simple. This boy has caught my attention, and I wanna do all sorts of nasty things to him, but dating may not be one of them. I'm wondering why that is. He's an intriguing enough fellow, he has friends, is social, and is only mildly dysfunctional (for the record, I've given up on trying to find normal men) and he's cute. We seem to get on when seen in social situations, and I go stupid-teenage girl when I'm around him, afraid of being...Well...a stupid teenage girl.
With that said, I'm not sure where to proceed. Cocktails/dancing/casual sex? Dunnow. it's a conrundrum, and one that's making me slightly crazy at the moment. Perhaps it's because my attitude currently is "he who doesn't mingle dies single," so I want to see what's out there before thinking about doing that boyfriend/committed relationship thing. Maybe it's a fear that he won't match me on an intellectual level (and that's a great and very important thing, I've learned.)
The latter isn't established, though. I'm reserving judgment on that point until a closer examination can be made. The way I seem to be going is to see if there is a desire to read a newspaper the next morning over breakfast. Why I consider that to be important, I can't identify, but it seems to be up there in the priorities. *shrug*
I'm thinking it has to do with the time that I'm functional. When the sun peeks through the shades, I'm awake, and I rarely see hours in the evening with double digits. That's not to say that I'm not seen out at night carousing with the boys and girls--I often am. Last relationship found me at odds with that one (I was a day soul; he a night creature)
Perhaps I just think too much.
Sunday, October 17, 2004
Speaking of travel...
The most recent trip was to Geneva. Save your pennies and go, because it's an amazing joint. I have a couple of observations about it, though.
First, bring your Visa. Wait, bring your MasterCard, because Geneva isn't a Visa-Loving country. *shrug* You need a hefty line of credit, because it aint cheap. What do you expect from a town that has as it's primary industry making watches? (Check your Rolex--it says Geneva on it)
Consequently, the city is clean and orderly. Typical of the entire country, normalcy, moderation, and neutrality are key words. Entry to the country was just about as uneventful as it has ever been. The border guard didn't even look at my passport, which is a shame. I like stamps in my passport. It validates me ;-)
But that's not my story. I went off in search of the only gay bar in my tourist guide, called Pretexte. Being typical of most really, really old cities, Geneva is a mess of 2 block-long streets with unpronounceable names and bad/ineffective signage Needless to say, I wandered a great deal.
Anyway, in the area that I thought said bar would be in had a very cute, very drunk boy with an umbrella in one hand and a fruity looking drink in the other. He stopped me on the street, (Since he was cute and drunk, I stopped gladly) handed the drink to me, and asked me to take the cocktail.
I did, but did not drink it. God only knows what was in it anyway. Besides, that I like my boys sweet and my drinks bitter. We chit-chatted for a bit--his English wasn't too bad (something that I am impressed by) and finally he asked why I wasn't enjoying said fruity drink.
I told him that it wasn't exactly my thing. Too many pieces of fruit and chocolate-looking branches, straws and other accoutrement. Then he asked me, in no uncertain terms if I would go back to his place and have rabid sex. [ed. note, my description, not his] I politely declined, and started to hand his drink back to him. I'm just not in the habit of meeting odd fellows on the street and swapping spit with them. I guess I was having a virtuous moment.
Then it happened. Said he: "Is it money you want? I'll pay you." Now THAT is a first. I've never thought of myself as being a prostitute, even in the most bizarre circumstance. I thought it was funny, laughed, and rebuffed him, walking off. I've decided that it's a tremendous ego boost being told that your ass is worth paying for. Go meee!
First, bring your Visa. Wait, bring your MasterCard, because Geneva isn't a Visa-Loving country. *shrug* You need a hefty line of credit, because it aint cheap. What do you expect from a town that has as it's primary industry making watches? (Check your Rolex--it says Geneva on it)
Consequently, the city is clean and orderly. Typical of the entire country, normalcy, moderation, and neutrality are key words. Entry to the country was just about as uneventful as it has ever been. The border guard didn't even look at my passport, which is a shame. I like stamps in my passport. It validates me ;-)
But that's not my story. I went off in search of the only gay bar in my tourist guide, called Pretexte. Being typical of most really, really old cities, Geneva is a mess of 2 block-long streets with unpronounceable names and bad/ineffective signage Needless to say, I wandered a great deal.
Anyway, in the area that I thought said bar would be in had a very cute, very drunk boy with an umbrella in one hand and a fruity looking drink in the other. He stopped me on the street, (Since he was cute and drunk, I stopped gladly) handed the drink to me, and asked me to take the cocktail.
I did, but did not drink it. God only knows what was in it anyway. Besides, that I like my boys sweet and my drinks bitter. We chit-chatted for a bit--his English wasn't too bad (something that I am impressed by) and finally he asked why I wasn't enjoying said fruity drink.
I told him that it wasn't exactly my thing. Too many pieces of fruit and chocolate-looking branches, straws and other accoutrement. Then he asked me, in no uncertain terms if I would go back to his place and have rabid sex. [ed. note, my description, not his] I politely declined, and started to hand his drink back to him. I'm just not in the habit of meeting odd fellows on the street and swapping spit with them. I guess I was having a virtuous moment.
Then it happened. Said he: "Is it money you want? I'll pay you." Now THAT is a first. I've never thought of myself as being a prostitute, even in the most bizarre circumstance. I thought it was funny, laughed, and rebuffed him, walking off. I've decided that it's a tremendous ego boost being told that your ass is worth paying for. Go meee!
I got the red state blues....
Okaaay.
For thems that don't know, Indiana (at present my home and native land) is a red state. In other words, we're GOP supporters for the presidential race. Statistically, IN always has been, and theoretically, Hoosiers will always be aligned with the minions of Red.
Naturally, I take great interest in the upcoming elections for various reasons, namely the fact that I SO dislike the current regime. The bitterly ironic thing is I once identified myself as a republican. I felt their outlook on politics best reflected my own moral feelings, so I aligned with them. Of curse, that was back in the good old days before the GOP became a liberal-bashing Christian dominated .org. I think Ronald Reagan was the last high-level GOP official that I supported. (and for the record, only for his first term.)
I digress.
The local rag here, the Indianapolis Star naturally followed it's red readership in saying that Dubya ought to be reposted for 4 more dreadful years. If you find access to today's editorial, you ought to give it a read. Apparently, the writer really doesn't have W in his heart and soul, because most of the article discusses his shortcomings as a president, and even goes on to say if granted another 4 years as leader, he ought to spend that time repairing his country's reputation. In fact, the summary of the editorial states "President Bush must use a second term to protect and unify the nation." Later in same article, he states: George Bush holds the office because he convinced a goodly number of voters four years ago that he would unify an increasingly divided country
Hmmm Would that be that be the popular vote? Wait...That's right Dubya didn't win the popular vote. He was dropped on our country by the fine folks at the EC.
Bleh.
Have I mentioned that if Dorkus is reelected, I'm placing serious thought to emigrating? Canada was a high contender, if for no other reason than the people are lovely, and their government doesn't have all the fuck-ups that this one has. I can go on for days and days about the shortcomings of the .gov but I'll not bore you.
Besides, with all of its shortcomings, this is still the best place in the world to live. Travel is broadening...everyone ought to do it. It makes you appreciate what you take for granted. Believe me, I think that a lot of Bushies do take the U.S. for granted.
--30--
For thems that don't know, Indiana (at present my home and native land) is a red state. In other words, we're GOP supporters for the presidential race. Statistically, IN always has been, and theoretically, Hoosiers will always be aligned with the minions of Red.
Naturally, I take great interest in the upcoming elections for various reasons, namely the fact that I SO dislike the current regime. The bitterly ironic thing is I once identified myself as a republican. I felt their outlook on politics best reflected my own moral feelings, so I aligned with them. Of curse, that was back in the good old days before the GOP became a liberal-bashing Christian dominated .org. I think Ronald Reagan was the last high-level GOP official that I supported. (and for the record, only for his first term.)
I digress.
The local rag here, the Indianapolis Star naturally followed it's red readership in saying that Dubya ought to be reposted for 4 more dreadful years. If you find access to today's editorial, you ought to give it a read. Apparently, the writer really doesn't have W in his heart and soul, because most of the article discusses his shortcomings as a president, and even goes on to say if granted another 4 years as leader, he ought to spend that time repairing his country's reputation. In fact, the summary of the editorial states "President Bush must use a second term to protect and unify the nation." Later in same article, he states: George Bush holds the office because he convinced a goodly number of voters four years ago that he would unify an increasingly divided country
Hmmm Would that be that be the popular vote? Wait...That's right Dubya didn't win the popular vote. He was dropped on our country by the fine folks at the EC.
Bleh.
Have I mentioned that if Dorkus is reelected, I'm placing serious thought to emigrating? Canada was a high contender, if for no other reason than the people are lovely, and their government doesn't have all the fuck-ups that this one has. I can go on for days and days about the shortcomings of the .gov but I'll not bore you.
Besides, with all of its shortcomings, this is still the best place in the world to live. Travel is broadening...everyone ought to do it. It makes you appreciate what you take for granted. Believe me, I think that a lot of Bushies do take the U.S. for granted.
--30--
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