...In which the wife sends candy

Topic of the rant today is friendship, and it's effect on our lives. I've wondered from time to time if having a monogamous relationship is an appropriate thing for me. I've mentioned it before, and I think it bears repeating. I'm fully capable of maintaining a relationship with another—in fact I think my track record is not too shabby in that respect. RR and I were together for 13 years, after all. Traditional heterosexual relationships with their legal ties and mortgages etc. are lucky to exist that long.

In between that and the real shortage of men that meet my admittedly high standards of dateablility, I'm starting to shift my paradigm of what makes me happy in terms of long-term relationships. Don't get me wrong, I think there really is a boy out there that would rock my world, but identifying him has been problematic.

Last night, I was in a chilly mood. My thermostat giving me attitude, and the aforementioned lack of cute boys to curl up on the sofa with forced me to wrap myself in a bulky sweater, and park my ass in front of the computer with a box of maple candy (more on that subject later.) I started my usual chit-chat with various people, and eventually narrowed my conversations down to two—Pianist and another friend, (who isn't blessed with a nickname yet.)

Pianist and I have been engaged in a game of 20 questions over the span of the last couple of weeks, given the fact that we've only whittled away 6 questions thus far, we're not taking it much in earnest. Fact is, other subjects keep distracting us. One of those things was this whole 'not religious yet spiritual/agnostic' commentary. It's a difficult thing to pen, but it's one of those things that just exist. Some people feel a need to place a face on their deity (Jesus, Allah, Buddha, et. al) but I shrug it off as something that exists. I know I'll never understand it or how it works, so I just move on with my life, comfortable in that knowledge.

One of the conversations that Pianist and I had was about how shit just falls into the lap. To a great extent, I believe it to be true. For him, it was a building that "winked" at him, and a feeling that money would come from it. Sure enough, a job came up, and cash flow ensued. Opportunities have traditionally sought me out, and when the "gut instinct" makes me feel comfortable in making the leap of faith, I do. Rarely has it steered me wrong. In fact, I've met some remarkable people and I've done some incredible things based on instinct, and encountered 'nouns' that I might have normally passed by, which is always fun.

In fact it was instinct that prompted me to first say hello to Pianist, so if the karma thing plays out, there is something that will come from our association. Who knows what it might be—friendship, romance, maybe he'll break my heart, or maybe he'll eat my spleen sautéed with fava beans and a nice Chianti. *shrug*

This "Karmic instinct thing" also is protective in a way, and it's kept me from doing some destructive things in my past, and for that I'm eternally grateful. Otherwise, I'd probably be pushing up daisies with my collection of friends from the early 80s.
One thing that the protection thing isn't doing is keeping me from snarfing down this damned box of maple candy.

Once upon a time, I mentioned to my wife that I did indeed love me some maple candy. Since said wife is in Canada (thus the reason I call him wife, and he calls me husband) I figured that he might just make his way down to Eton, The Bay (or whatever) and grab some of those delish maple leaves from the True North. Yesterday, the package arrived with not one but FOUR boxes of maple candy from Vermont, with a card indicating the significance of each box. (I'm not complaining, though by the time this is through, my ass may begin to resemble Vermont and New Hampshire.)

I started thinking about my wife, and the relationship we have. He's a pretty special fellow, but he's most likely never going to be a romantic interest in my life. There are various reasons for this, the most obvious being the fact that he already has a boyfriend. By that same token, he's also one of those people that I just can't imagine being without. That's odd, because I don't really know him very well. Still though, I think time will draw us closer, and I can easily see us as old men on a beach wearing Speedos, sipping martinis, and bitching about men.

The more I thought about wife and this totally unsolicited gift, the more it became clear:

I got my 'damned flowers' (see the previous entry) but they just came in the form of candy.

The point is it's not flowers I want, or frankly even a gift. It's a friend that thinks enough of me to do something sweet and something totally off the cuff. Perhaps it's not a boyfriend/husband that I want, but instead just a tight circle of friends, with an occasional one with "boinkability" to satisfy the more prurient needs.

As gay men, we don't develop traditional familial ties, because our associations aren't blessed by the usual protections of law and convention. Many times, we lose track of our traditional family ties because of that same gay thing. As such, we develop a 'family' of friends that better suit our unique circumstance. I really felt it in Hawaii with the various people we associated with, and to some extent I'm developing similar ties here. There are those who I associate as "brothers and sisters" and of course "wacked-out cousins" galore ?

So in the futurescape of the Pianist, wife, FXB, and whoever else might be tossed into the equation…who knows? I'll just coast along and see what is dropped in my lap. Karma takes good care of old Bob, and I hope I'm taking good care of my karmic bank account so my next life will be as a lap dog to a wealthy daughter of the Revolution.