Have a sexy season!

Okay.

Time to regroup and reform. In response to my last post, a friend said "I read about FA's infidelity in your blog. Karma is a bitch, isn't it?" I have to admit, it took me abak for a couple of minutes, but then I started thinking. Yes, Karma is a bitch. I'll have to do better in the future. Maybe I'll go pet a puppy or something.

Regarding some alleged infidelity: Perhaps that was a bit premature to mention. After all, I don't have concrete evidence that it happened. All I have to work with is the observations of a friend with some insight into his behaviour. After a bit of detective-like footwork, I was able to sort things out, and come up with a dialogue to have with him.

That happened, and I think I got the answers I was looking for. Any of my ex's will tell you that I hate doing maintenance on my relationships. I'm far more content to let them sail along. However, in reality, that just isn't an option. All relationships, no matter how wonderful and functional they might be do need an occasional nudge to make sure everyone is on the same page. I needed assurance that I was in a monogamous relationship, and not in some dreadful "open" nightmare. In my experience, open relationships foreshadow the end of relationships. Sometimes, they work out well, if the parties involved have a complete understanding of the situation, and equally involve themselves in it, which is the case with the Wife and his new beau.

The end of the story involves me saying "Yeah, I do love the guy, and at this point in the discussion, the plan is to have him hang around for the forseable future" Wheather that is forever remains to be seen, because I do still have a nagging doubt in the back of my mind wheather he is the person that Elton John sings about in his song, "The One." Time will answer that question, but I remain optimistic.

What is this nagging doubt? It can't be defined, but in my soul, I can feel it digging in it's heels. I know what I want from this relationship, and I believe it to be the same thing that FA wants as well, but I'm just not convinced. Don't get me wrong, a lifetime with FA in it wouldn't be a bad thing. I think we compliment each other very well, and we certainly are compatable as a couple. As previously stated, there is a great deal of optimism in the equation.

I'm sitting here looking at the most perfect Christmas tree in the known universe. It really is a simplistic thing, in a single gold colour scheme. I'm a tad melancholy--as I normally am this time of year for various reasons. It's not the grand tradition that RR re-creates each year in his salon, but it suits me nicely. It's also the first tree I've had since I left him, which makes me finally feel like some unknown wound there has healed. Combine that with the fact that it was put together when I was at the lowest of my feelings about FA, and it has a special added meaning in a way.

So, that's my thought for the moment. I'm well, and happy. I'll close with a prayer so oft repeated in my youth, Pax vobiscum.

Christmas is run by a big eastern syndicate

When he said "April is the cruellest month" he obviously didn't know what he was talking about. So, with all apologies to T. S. Elliot, we'll change the context a tad:

December is the cruellest month.

I'm depressed at present because of an overabundance of knowledge. It seems that just when you have your feet firmly pressed on the ground, the rug is pulled from underneath and you find yourself flat on your ass. I thought I had found a man I could trust, a man that completed me, but now I'm not so sure. I doubt the fibre of his being, and I feel betrayed. Why? Infidelity.

In other words, look for a bevvy of posts in the near future, because after crying myself to sleep, I can honestly say that my life kind of sucks right now. I'll be better soon, though, fret not.

Happy Christmas to those who read these words.