Sumthin new

Okay, I'm tired of the black background. It's too funky to try to read.

So, the clean, crisp look of white and black. Isn't it beauteous? Thought so. Some of the posts might be difficult to read due to the fact that the colour was chosen to contrast with a black desktop. So obviously, the white lettering on a white/new background is going to look translucent.

I'm in another transitional phase. It seems like I'm FOREVER moving from one stage in my life to the next. I've always embraced change, and thought of change as evidence of life, so this is no different.

The change I'm referring to isn't personal, it's a professional one. My personal life is more than fabulous. Having FA around has proven to be better than I would have anticipated (yeah, I had a bit of silent trepidation before the event--after all FA and I have only known each other for about 6 months.) In the long run, I followed my instinct, said hell yeah, and now I have no regrets.

Of course, it's just been a couple of weeks of cohabitation, and with FA's schedule, he has been in a training program, so he has been home every night--just like a real 9-5 gainfully employed hubby!

The profession is wanting a change, though. I'm not really at liberty to discuss the whys and hows of it, because I don't think that discussing work issues in a public forum is wise. One never knows who might read these words, and who might take offense.

No comment, then. I'll sat more later if it comes to fruition, but for the mean time, I'll be mum.

Back to FA, though. There is one thing that makes me feel amazingly secure with him, and in a way slightly codependent. Point is, I feel so amazingly secure with him, it scares me in a way. I cherish my independence, and the idea that I am somewhat reliant on another person to make me feel complete is a tad unnerving. It imakes me feel vulnerable, and I hate that in a way.

So to fight back, I stole a photograph of him looking happy as hell with an enormous smile (those who know FA know he has one of the most amazing, sincere smiles) and wearing his cute jacket that I hope to steal one day. I took said photograph, framed it, and set it on my desk at work.

When I walked in this morning, I sat at my desk and looked at my computer screen, and was frankly startled by that cute-ass face looking back at me. All day while I was running around putting out little fires and doing things for other people, my sweet Boo was looking back at me.

I can't tell you how happy it made me.

Therein lies my feeling of uneasiness. I have this feeling that if one day in the near future he turned to me and said "I'm through with you and I'm leaving" I'd fall apart for a couple days. Of course, I'd pull my shit together, but something would be misusing in my life, and there would be a hole where he fit so snugly.

It comes down to this: He makes me nervous for all the right reasons. I love him loads, and love the feeling of it. So, in the same way that I overcame the roughly 30 seconds of uneasiness at the prospect of FA moving in with me, I'll fasten my seatbelt low and tight across my lap and remain comfortably seated for the duration of the flight.

Because it's bound to be a long one....