Okay.
I was thinking about HIV and the impact it's had on my life. I won't be global in my thoughts and reflect on the Rock Hudsons and Liberaces that have left an unaccountable void in our society. Rather, I'll be selfish and make it about me. After all (as I am so fond of saying) if you don't like it, get your own fucking blog!
I started thinking about the whole HIV question when a friend of mine was called out in a chatroom recently. Said friend happens to be poz, but that's no reason to say a word about it. Truthfully, he's been as open about the subject--in fact more so than others would be expected to be. I wasn't in the room at the moment, so unfortunately, I wasn't able to defend the integrity of my buddy. Damn it all! I hate it when my peeps are attacked.
Notwithstanding, it made me start to think about various HIV-associated things. It raised the question, "What if I am poz?" Lord knows I haven't been celibate, but on the other hand, I haven't done anything that might place me at apparent risk. Then again, these are microscopic bits of protein, so as far as I'm concerned, all bets are off.
Some guys who are Poz have said that it has opened up an entire new facet of their life that they didn't know existed. Others have been devastated to the point of suicide. Yet another faction kind of shrug and press on with their lives as though it was only a small rut in the road of life. How would I react? I have no idea. I really haven't been faced with my own mortality. Until someone really realizes that one day they are going to die, and that might happen within a matter of years, I don't think that you really get a taste for it.
Of course, men live relatively normal lives with HIV now. It's become more of a major inconvenience rather than the death sentence that I dispensed in the mid 80's as a public health worker. It's not something to take lightly, and it's not curable by any stretch of the imagination. It is, however a manageable disease, which is a godsend for so many different reasons. Again, I like my friends, and want them to be around for some time. As previously mentioned, it's all about Bob.
Then the question popped in my mind--would I have sex with a guy I knew was poz? Wow. That's a hard one to answer. On one hand, I look at every potential partner as being infected, so I tend to sorta lean towards the "Yeah, I would" side. On the other hand, I have to think about the whole "ticking bomb" concept. Condoms break and shit happens. Would that thought affect me? Possibly. I'd be a fool to say that it wouldn't. There would be that thought in the back of my mind from time to time, and it would probably come up during a sleepless night at 3am.
As long as we are talking about shtupping a "happy boy," why not examine the next logical step? Would I date him? That one, I'm really tempted to say yes to. It's an odd reaction, given the milquetoast response to the fucking question. I've always said something to the effect that we are all entitled to love, regardless of the circumstances, and I believe it. I'm not personally tied to any single physical trait in selecting a person I'm attracted to, whether it be as a friend, a fuck, or a romantic interest. My current thought is that if I were to meet this incredibly sexy guy, fall in love, and think seriously about spending a long length of time together, his seropositivity probably wouldn't enter into the equation.
My "hag" said that I was probably too picky. I told her that my standards for dating were high for a very good reason. I'm really tired of men who are with me for no particular reason. I really need more in my life. I really need someone to share a life with. I'm really not finding these guys here, and it's mildly upsetting. Speaking with others, I'm not alone. There apparently really is a shortage of good men here. Really!
That's comforting. I thought I was going insane for a bit there. (I digress) The fact that I would be willing to date a HIV positive guy tells me that I'm not too picky. My standard for men is not unattainable, because it's not limited by the action of a bit of virus. (reading that sounds a bit cocky--it wasn't meant to be)
I was thinking about HIV and the impact it's had on my life. I won't be global in my thoughts and reflect on the Rock Hudsons and Liberaces that have left an unaccountable void in our society. Rather, I'll be selfish and make it about me. After all (as I am so fond of saying) if you don't like it, get your own fucking blog!
I started thinking about the whole HIV question when a friend of mine was called out in a chatroom recently. Said friend happens to be poz, but that's no reason to say a word about it. Truthfully, he's been as open about the subject--in fact more so than others would be expected to be. I wasn't in the room at the moment, so unfortunately, I wasn't able to defend the integrity of my buddy. Damn it all! I hate it when my peeps are attacked.
Notwithstanding, it made me start to think about various HIV-associated things. It raised the question, "What if I am poz?" Lord knows I haven't been celibate, but on the other hand, I haven't done anything that might place me at apparent risk. Then again, these are microscopic bits of protein, so as far as I'm concerned, all bets are off.
Some guys who are Poz have said that it has opened up an entire new facet of their life that they didn't know existed. Others have been devastated to the point of suicide. Yet another faction kind of shrug and press on with their lives as though it was only a small rut in the road of life. How would I react? I have no idea. I really haven't been faced with my own mortality. Until someone really realizes that one day they are going to die, and that might happen within a matter of years, I don't think that you really get a taste for it.
Of course, men live relatively normal lives with HIV now. It's become more of a major inconvenience rather than the death sentence that I dispensed in the mid 80's as a public health worker. It's not something to take lightly, and it's not curable by any stretch of the imagination. It is, however a manageable disease, which is a godsend for so many different reasons. Again, I like my friends, and want them to be around for some time. As previously mentioned, it's all about Bob.
Then the question popped in my mind--would I have sex with a guy I knew was poz? Wow. That's a hard one to answer. On one hand, I look at every potential partner as being infected, so I tend to sorta lean towards the "Yeah, I would" side. On the other hand, I have to think about the whole "ticking bomb" concept. Condoms break and shit happens. Would that thought affect me? Possibly. I'd be a fool to say that it wouldn't. There would be that thought in the back of my mind from time to time, and it would probably come up during a sleepless night at 3am.
As long as we are talking about shtupping a "happy boy," why not examine the next logical step? Would I date him? That one, I'm really tempted to say yes to. It's an odd reaction, given the milquetoast response to the fucking question. I've always said something to the effect that we are all entitled to love, regardless of the circumstances, and I believe it. I'm not personally tied to any single physical trait in selecting a person I'm attracted to, whether it be as a friend, a fuck, or a romantic interest. My current thought is that if I were to meet this incredibly sexy guy, fall in love, and think seriously about spending a long length of time together, his seropositivity probably wouldn't enter into the equation.
My "hag" said that I was probably too picky. I told her that my standards for dating were high for a very good reason. I'm really tired of men who are with me for no particular reason. I really need more in my life. I really need someone to share a life with. I'm really not finding these guys here, and it's mildly upsetting. Speaking with others, I'm not alone. There apparently really is a shortage of good men here. Really!
That's comforting. I thought I was going insane for a bit there. (I digress) The fact that I would be willing to date a HIV positive guy tells me that I'm not too picky. My standard for men is not unattainable, because it's not limited by the action of a bit of virus. (reading that sounds a bit cocky--it wasn't meant to be)
Hmm more to think about for me. Am I too picky? Do I place a bar so high that you have to have a 3 meter vertical jump to touch? Perhaps I should disregard small things that bother me abut a guy and focus on a larger picture.
Scroll up to the top, and read the words in the box. "It's all about the internet as therapy."
Scroll up to the top, and read the words in the box. "It's all about the internet as therapy."
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