Okay, the new definition of "perfect boyfriend" includes the ability to use the word 'avarice' in a proper sentence.
Now, before everyone gets all wiggy and starts reaching for a dictionary, you should know that I don't actually seek perfection. I might aspire for perfection, but as a whole, it's unexpected. This is why I want men that I ought not have. That's why I sincerely doubt I'll have a proper, functional relationship. It's the whole "perfection is to desired as reality is to substance" thing
Avarice.
Okay, a bit of conversation about mysterious man in the post immediately preceding this one. (btw, nick=FXB) To answer queries, I don't know if he is dateable mostly because I believe that he truly isn't interested in me. I could be pleasantly surprised, but the reality is there, and unrequited love is boring as all hell.
I ought to know--been there, and got that t-shirt Wonder why? Read Realm I. It's the highly touted Hawaiian journal that ultimately led me to where I am now in Hoosierland. Now it can be told that RR loved me passionately, but I didn't return the affection for the last several years. Why? I'm not sure. I mean what ever makes relationships go sour? I'm developing a theory that relationships have an expiration date. For RR and I, I'm guessing that we had a 10 year expiry.
That would make us like dehydrated food--not too shabby, if you ask me. Some relationships have the life expectancy of mayonnaise left out on a hot summer day. In fact, my relationships of late have been pretty perishable. I don't know if that's part of the whole transitional phase, or what it is. Robb would call it "Community Property" which is a term I happen to admire. Then again, there are a great many things I admire about him, or should say admired. (we haven't talked in some time)
There's a whole dichotomy that I'm experiencing at present. One hand admires the warmth of sharing life with another. A cautious soul is looking for the right person to do so with. I think I could actually have a truly monogamous relationship with a fellow with a 30 or so year expiry. That would take me far beyond death.
On the other hand, I enjoy the "single/mingle" lifestyle as well. Naptown just isn't the city to do it in, though. I think it's because I bore easily, and often retreat into the place best called "Private Idaho." It's a happy place, and I enjoy it there. In my Idaho, it's all about me, which is how it should be. I can be as dark and mysterious as I please. I can also fantasize that the avarice that has gripped the country for the last four years might actually end.
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4 comments:
Actually, I don't think I would want someone that is on the same level as myself intellectually. Think that would be rather bland. Now, I am not saying I want someone that's as dumb as a box of rocks either. Just that if we shared the same intellectual simulating dialect, we would make for a very boring couple. Perhaps not to just ourselves but others may not be able to stand to be around us. Have to leave room for each of us to learn something from one another.
I think it's a matter of compatibility. Avarice is not a common word, and aside from one politically charged Elvis Costello song, I've never heard it used in casual speech. I chose it specifically for that reason. Back to the perfect BF idea, I shouldn't expect a mate to be able to work avarice into casual conversation, however, I would expect a level of intellectual curiosity to grab a dictionary to discover it's meaning.
It's what I do, and I find it stimulating. *shrug*
I'll explore the "gay relationship triad" in a later post. It's an interesting concept, and perhaps it can be useful to someone.
Concupiscience on the other hand is quite a different matter! (and for the record, that is a word in my vocabulary!) More later--work beckons
See, I think I would have just used the word LUST in place of either of those. But that's just me...
Yes, I could have used lust, but y'know..avarice is so much more fluid and sexy. Since writing these words, I've actually started to use the word in conversation. How scary is that? 6 Nov~
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